- Scott broke up with me... over facebook. Balls? Nope.
- Heated written exchanges were had.
- Trip to NYC
- School went crazy.
- Voted in as choir president again! Wahoo!
- Tracy has moved out. :(
- Crappy Jury... Crappy... but passing.
- Three Penny Opera went off, not a fantastic experience, but I gave a damned good performance or three.
- Election drama created weird feelings between me and at least three other people.
- Banquet drama created animosity towards me from a different three people.
- Costumer drama could potentially create bad feelings between the company we rent tuxes from.
- Then WHAM! ... nothing... School's out.
Okay, mostly up to speed now... i mean as far as events go. Everything happened at once. near breakdown there at the end of the semester. Particularly when the election came around. Feeling betrayed by friends. Betrayed by Scott... moronic. Overwhelmed by scholastic demands. Incompetent. Inadequate. Incomplete. Weak. Confused. Defensive. Guilt.
I feel like I have so much negativity and bad thought patterns that have been influenced by this semester's DRAMA that I have to break. I jump to conclusions. I make snap judgements. I justify. I've got a lot of honesty to face and stop making excuses for my shortcomings. Slice of humble pie, maybe? Reasonable amounts. I don't have to bow down like I did when I was here, in this same emotional place, before.
I am good at what I do because I dedicate myself to things I take on. This past semester was difficult because I know what I am capable of and because I wasted time and did not apply myself wholly. I did not succeed in a manner that I could be pleased with.
I would love to blame relationships, health problems, schedule issues, emotional distress, housing problems... fact of the matter is I wasted a lot of time complaining, victimizing myself, finding faults in others, wasting thoughts on a defeatist attitude. I have to take responsibility because it is up to me to make my semester worthwhile... Because of me, because of my decisions... it was a ROUGH SEMESTER.
Here's to ending the Age of Paranoia,
Nanette
