That creative thing...

I'm having urges to start visual journaling again. I haven't done it for a couple of months and my fingers twitch with the excitement of paint and stamps and paper and ribbons and all the things to just PLAY with!

Plus, it is encouraging to that part of me that wants to finish everything in my house. I have so many things that need using! I'm hoping I can use most of my paints before moving. They don't travel well on planes.

I'm a broken record... So much so that even I am getting sick of it. NYC, music, graduation, impatience. BLEH!

So here's the new tidbit. I'm going to be in chamber choir again. I'm enrolling for next semester so I can get loans and go to Italy. I'm going to Italy. It's been a tough decision. I don't particularly enjoy chamber choir, or, I haven't in the past. Here's to trying something new this time.

A) I refuse to jump in on gossip, positive or negative.
B) I refuse to refrain from speaking my mind and building up contention.
C) I refuse to get frustrated with learning as a process. I will respect that it happens in small changes.
D) I refuse to think of myself as an individual in the choir, this group needs some serious unity happening.

Ultimately, I've seen/heard a lot of disrespectful things about peers and teachers. I own that I'm part of that. But I'm willing to be part of the solution as well. Just because I don't agree with someone doesn't mean that I can't respect their opinions or at the very least remember that they are that, someone's opinion. I am capable of compromise and communication. I am capable of learning my music on my own, but that's not enough in a large group. I will create a quartet in order to help the entire group, myself included. A crappy group represents all the singers in it... I'm tired of crappy, sub-par feelings when it comes to music. And frankly, we're going on tour, so it's important that the collective get their poop in a group, stop making excuses and GET IT DONE WELL.

Let's see how long this song lasts,
Nanette

Wrap it up...

One semester closer... almost.
I just taught my last lesson... almost.
I just finished my last diction assignment... almost.
I've completed my English Portfolio... almost.
I've completed my last Form assignment... almost.

Everything is sort of drawing to a close. But I'm stuck waiting. Waiting for my drafts to be returned to make the last edits for the english portfolio.

Waiting for the performance in Ped to be over so I can start studying for my ONLY final.

Waiting for Ms. Lane and Dr. Adam's to hand out their take home finals.

It's such a week full of almost and it makes me ALMOST want to cry. I am one credit away from a complete music break.

This girl wants a vacation. This girl wants a fresh start. This girl wants to slowly cleanse her life of all the crap that surrounds it. check. check. check. Slowly ticking things off the list. Every week I'm throwing away something I don't want to. Stuff I can't sell. Stuff I can't give away. Stuff I'll never use again. De clutter. Simplify. Garbage. Let go... and lose some friggin weight.

Nanette

Dear form...

You suck. Ultra hard.

I try my hardest every Tuesday and Thursday not to walk out of class.

I'm more confused about form than ever. But I must go to class.

Must level up. Must beat the boss. Or I'll never complete the game.

The game where the princess gets to go home to NY and be freed from the uglynasty.

But only if you pass form.

pass form.

pass go.

collect diploma.

Here's the thing...

Patient is never a word used to describe me...

Lately, I'm more impatient than ever...
-to go to NYC
-to graduate
-to beef up my savings account
-to get all that dental work done
-for the next payday
-for that person to stop talking to me even after I've given them like 10 social cues that I'm done listening.
-to meet that one guy over Thanksgiving Break.
-for the weekend to get here.
-to sell all the stuff in my apartment.
-to lose this weight.
-to start fresh.  

So dear everyone,
Watch out. I want out. Come hell or high water, I will get the crap done that I need to. I will get the money saved that I need to.
Sincerely, Nanette

A hopeful list...

There are so many positions available on the NYC city jobs website... and the craigslist is brimming with administrative opportunities... and THE Met has a administrative assistant position open that I would LOVE to fill. I am filled with hope that my 5 years working in ITS services, with customer service and administrative duties.... and two years organizing social events as a choir president... not to mention a natural proficiency with most software. AHHHH!!!! I feel like I could be in the running for some of these jobs! But I can't apply yet because I'm not willing to relocate until next semester AT THE EARLIEST.

On top of that, a rejuvenated sense of health...   If I work hard, then I won't be dismissed in interviews for physical appearance... Because, let's be honest here, it happens. It's definitely inspiration and motivation to keep my butt moving. I have to keep thinking, this isn't a phase, it's a new lifestyle. I am not allowed to drop weight and then go back to eating what I want. I need to change the "what I want" part.

Okay... so... the current goals.

• learn how to use a multi-line phone system. 
• Get out and about at least once a day until the gym membership starts again. 
• save $5000 for the NYC move. 
• GRADUATE... (stupid, this has been on the goals list for 3 semesters). 
• do something creative every day
• update my resume
• start minimizing the crap in my life. (aka: sell movies, books and cds). 
• Drop 50lbs before the move.

please submit all complaints in writing...

so I can make fun of you better...  

As vaguely as I can say it...

1) If you're calling me and asking me questions, because I know more about a topic than you do, don't argue with me when I give you my answer. If you don't like it... try and find your own dang solution.

2) When you passive aggressively undermine me in front of our clients, it builds doubt in our product and in me as part of your department.

3) The next time you call yourself ugly or fat or untalented or in some way less shiny than other people, I'm going to agree or completely ignore your cries for attention until you learn how to constructively ask for interaction.

4) If you don't ask for what you want, you won't get what you want. Then when you don't get exactly what you were thinking as a result and decide that NOW is the time to offer some "constructive criticism" that would be impossible to implement... I MIGHT spontaneously combust. (would it be spontaneous if triggered by a situation?)

5) Remember that if you've said it to one person... just ONE person... I'm probably going to find out. And that makes me less likely to be nice and do the favors you ask for... (aka, your job).

6) If I say "No." I mean it. Just take it at that... asking why will just make me explain "No, I don't want to." and more asking will make me say "No, I don't want to. Because I don't want to spend that time with you." Otherwise known as "Don't be a social rapist, please accept that I'm trying to politely reject your invitation."

Just sayin'
Nanette

It's all so NEW!

I've been taking lessons from Kris Ciesinski this summer... and I'm amazed at how much we've accomplished in just 5 lessons. What I've realized is that I don't know ANYTHING. How did she say it? "It's not that you have BAD technique, you just don't HAVE technique." So I'm back at square one. It's what I've been looking for this summer... returning to instinct... returning to the beginning and starting fresh.

The rest of this is music mumbo jumbo that I've been learning... if you're interested... read on. These are just mini lists of things I've learned. It doesn't even begin to touch the change it's made in my concept of sound. 

The Three Rules of Successful Singing

1 - The secret of singing is keeping the diaphragm engaged. 

2 - The goal of singing is consistency. 

3 - The mastery of singing is air flow. 

The Steps of Learning a Song 

1- Understand your Context (era, composer, lyricist, larger work, where in the opera you are, what's happening on stage, observe the musical markings). 

2 - Understand the Language (poetic, literal, emotional, IPA and the symbolic language of the music, also begin speaking the text in an imitative style). 

3 - Learn the music (first - rhythm. second - register and notes. Third - rhythm, register, notes and language). 

4 - Memorize (If previous steps are followed, it should practically learn itself). 

5 - Polish (staging, body movements, performance practices). 

Your diaphragm is a muscle. Just like when you lift weights, for the most effective use of your muscles, move them slowly and consistency in "eccentric firing" of your muscles. The muscles between your ribs are called intercostals. They also are able to be controlled. The ribcage should ALWAYS BE EXPANDED WHEN SINGING. Collapsing the ribcage when expelling air indicates the diaphragm is not engaged.  Abdominal breathing doesn't exist. We don't breathe with our abdomen. We breathe with our lungs. Our abdomen moves when breathe with our lungs indicating movement of the diaphragm and a change in the volume of our lung capacity. 

Our bodies are instruments. Singing takes the acuity and practice of a string player. LIKE ALL INSTRUMENTS THAT DON'T JUST PLAY PARTIALS, Shape must accommodate pitch. Instruments change pitch with physiological changes, your voice is the same. The greatest range of effective motion can be achieved by moving the jaw and tongue, NOT THE SOFT PALATE OR LARYNX. 

YAWNING does not imitate the feeling of a lifted soft palate. Instead, talking like you have a plugged nose is actually a lifted palate. Want proof? A lifted soft palate will block air from escaping the nose. 

Consistent sound WILL NOT FEEL CONSISTENT INSIDE. What you hear is completely different from what's produced. Often people over-darken sound because they like to hear a round sound in their Eustachian tubes. Hearing is not entirely reliable. FEELING is reliable. 

Singing Opera is not as natural as breathing... Singing opera is like pole vaulting. A complex, physically demanding activity, made of natural movements. 

The woman's voice can be separated into 4 registers: Chest, Low-Mid, Passagio and Head Voice. Each register has a distinct feel. 

- Chest: will be shallow and come from chest. 

- Low-Mid: will be bright, forward, WIDE (accomplished by widening lips, not raising them) and shallow inside the mouth. 

- Passagio: will be round sound, round more open mouth, CORE, every half step will seem larger than in  lower ranges. 

- Head Voice: will have NO core. Don't feel the core. Don't hear the core. But it's there, outside of your head. 

Now...   keep in mind, all of this has happened in the context of lessons. I've tried to best write what I've understood and what's working in my brain. I'm sure that teachers before have said these things... I'm sure I just wasn't listening or having problems interpreting what they were trying to say, or lacked the tools to interpret it.

But these are the things that are helping me "open my sound." I've been told that I've sounded "trapped" or like I'm "holding back," after I've tried and tried and tried... thinking that there's nothing trapped, I'm giving EVERYTHING.

Maybe they'll help you. Maybe you had to be there. Either way... that's what I've been working on. :)