4 states later - NY, NJ, PA, OH

We left at 11am this morning. Some tears were shed as mister's parents waved goodbye. Their baby bird, leaving the nest in a big way.

Now that packing is behind us, this road trip is a blast. Nothing better than talking and singing along with the radio for the first 8 hours of our trip. We stopped at Dr. Doolittle's Roadside Creamery in Pennsylvania and had a burger and watched the locals watch us. It was a weird little dive recommended by tripadvisor. They had laser tag, black light mini golf, a petting zoo and a tiny restaurant called "The Chicken House" that was packed with vintage tables, chairs and 25c. rides. 

Mister napped... as he hasn't slept much. *ahem* last minute packer. 

We got back on the road for another 4 hours... Rain, trees, safely arriving at our hotel. South Shore Inn in Sandusky Ohio. I asked for a King room... and I got a King room with a Jacuzzi. Yes. Please! It may not be modern... It may be the wallpaper and furniture remnants of that phase in the 90/early 2000s that was all about burgundy and beige, yeah, well, it may be that, but it's clean and comfortable and the staff remembers my name already. Customer service, I've missed you. 

Going down for dinner at their little attached mexican restaurant. More tomorrow. 

xo, 

N

Checking Out

I am no longer a resident of Brooklyn!!!   I turned in my keys yesterday and gave the forwarding address to my landlord for the deposit and last month's rent (if any at all) yesterday. 

My key ring has only 2 keys on it now... Work and Mister's house. I love turning in keys. 

This is one HUGE checkmark off of my to-do list. I'm down to... 

• Pack up the travel bag for 5 days on the road. 
• Do one last load of laundry. 
• Pack the car... make sure it all fits. 
• LEAVE! 

This is real. 

As stressed as I was about not having work when I get there, it seems like Dr. G and I are going to be working on a contract for me to do the office billing remotely. We're talking a percentage of collections... which is pretty dang sweet. I don't know how long the contract will run, but it is a $500k per year practice and I would be able to be compensated 3-8% of collections, so potentially $15k - $40k per year for part-time work. Not tooooo shabby. 

Homeless! (not really). 

Nanette

Relocation, Relocation, Relocation...

Okay... So it's official. I'm moving again.

• Land of coffee, microbreweries, waterfalls and strip clubs.
• Land of clouds and rain, temperate forest, rose gardens and the dangerous weed, wild blackberries.
• Land of organic, vegan, locally made mattresses, shoes, pottery and doodads.
• Land of competitive gardening and social pressure to accurately separate your composting, recycling and garbage disposal.

And I am thrilled. Half the cost and pretension of Seattle... the big sister city. Half the cost of NYC, in both time and money. I may get 2 hours a day back in just commute alone.

The Mister and I are doing the move together. His parents have been generous and given us their old Volvo (xc90 for you nerds out there). I have given my 2 weeks notice to my current employer. I am training my replacement as of tomorrow. It is another transition.

Those who know me know that transitions are the hardest for me to handle. I just want the end to be ended and the beginning to have begun. And if you are thinking "joy in the journey." Save your breath.

If we were to break down my essential stress in life, it is in the inability to enjoy transition. Read The Phantom Tollbooth by Norton Juster. You'll know what I'm talking about. I have compared myself to Milo in that story since I first read it. If my blogs were a novel, the comparison would have it's own chapter, or running theme... since I can rarely stick to a single topic for an entire chapter.

For example... the opening paragraph.

"There was once a boy named Milo who didn't know what to do with himself - not just sometimes, but always. When he was in school he longed to be out and when he was out he longed to be in. On the way he thought about coming home and coming home he thought about going. Wherever he was he wished he were somewhere else, and when he got there he wondered why he'd bothered. Nothing really interested him - least of all the things that should have."

While that is a vast exaggeration of the current situation... It is stunningly accurate. While I find many things interesting and amusing... probably more amusing than interesting, I do spent an awful lot of time contemplating the places I am not.

• The career I don't have and didn't make here.  
• The city I don't live in. 
• The boxes that aren't packed. 
• The road trip that hasn't started. 
• The job that hasn't finished. 
• The car that's not packed. 
• The house that hasn't been found. 
• The job that isn't mine yet. 
• The new bosses and friends I haven't met. 
• The adventures that should be had. 
• How to most effectively and efficiently adventure. 
• The amount of stuff that's not going to fit in the car. 
• Where the stuff that we're taking is going to go in the house I don't have yet that I will be paying for with the job I don't have. 

When I get into this mode, I absolutely must isolate myself from everyone and everything around me so I don't either 1) boss everyone around or 2) get anxiously depressed.

Like right now, I have been banished from the kitchen by Mister...   because I am begging to pack some of his boxes for him. Just to ease the transition. A boxed packed is one less thing that hasn't occurred yet. One minute closer on the SLOWLY ticking clock of transition.

Now let's be realistic here. All this prep is happening... I am concentrated so much on the motion of getting us out there, that once I get there, I will be absolutely confused and lost. I will turn into that one girl who moved into your fourth grade class from Somewhere Else and never hesitates to correct her peers or her teacher with the sentence that begins a little too loud and a little too snooty, "Well, where I am from..." I will become Somewhere Else Girl and everything won't be New York City. And everything won't be Idaho. As negative as that can be seen... Thank GOD everything won't be New York City and everything won't be Idaho.

It is exhausting. The contrast and compare. The noticing. Believe me, I wish I could just not notice. I can control myself and not comment. But that doesn't mean that my mind isn't reeling with...

"New York is so much more (adjective)."
"Portland has much nicer (nouns)."
"I miss how easy it was to (verb)."
"I can't believe how nice it is to (verb) again."
"The (noun) is/are so much cleaner here."

 It's like comparing sisters, friends, people...   Prettier, taller, more outgoing. While I realize it's just noticing traits... it's also this rapid fire judgment and quantification that I have honed with precision... like a snarky and observant social sniper.

I have felt this way before. Sophomore year of college. Can't things just be?... without having to be more or less than anything or ____-er or _____-est. Good or bad. Loved or hated. Just... be...

If there has been anything I have learned in New York, it is that there are as many different truths about one thing as there are people thinking about it. And to be polar in any way, to qualify it as Good or Bad, does two things...

1) Isolates you from those that don't agree with you.
2) Gives you an invitation to the party of those who do agree with you.

So polar gives you a place to be. And a place not to be. And a solid direction. A sense of belonging as long as you fully commit to the truth.

But you know what... Sometimes I like the fence... and I'll sit on it until something moves me enough to change that.

I remember once berating myself via blog for being a fence sitter. And how you can't just sit directionless in your own life. You need to pick a path and go down it. I still feel that way about motion... motion in life. Pick something. Do it. Go for it.

And while I may be feeling a little aimless, waiting for that *Aha* or that ambitious moment when the next life altering decision is made... I am going to pick a direction and go it until it is no longer the direction to go.

I'm not sure there is a theme through all of this rambling... But it sure seems like angst over the place I'm not, and angst over the place I will no longer be, has left me feeling pubescently moody and restless.

Ready or not Portland... Here I Come.

T-minus 8 days,
Nanette

Modern-Day Pioneer Style

Let's play a little game. What do you think of when someone says New York City?

• Broadway.
• Wall street.
• Museums & culture. 
• Hustle and bustle. 
• Lights and commotion. 
• A city that never sleeps.

Right? 

Let's play another game called... Your roommates had a lapse in communication that resulted in the gas being shut off for the next 5 days. No heat. No hot water. No oven. 

It is the year 2013. I am in the epicenter of culture. I pay too much (though still a great deal here), for a small and shared space. I am employed. I pay my bills on time and resemble a "real" adult.  

Yet, I just took a makeshift shower/bath using bowls of microwaved water. Did I just hipster level up? 

Just rockin' New York City modern-day pioneer style. 

In a New York minute.

Wow...   So here is the haps as they currently stand.

Roommates.

Tamara is moving out. Subletter is moving in. Everyone is sorta shuffling. It is a house in transition. I suck at transitions. They make me feel so uneasy. 

Work. 

I quit the doc's office rather suddenly because my new job upped my start date. I'm not really sad about it since I have been miserable there for months now and I've watched that same doc ignore previous employees reference calls and heard the way he talks about his previous employees. But I mean, the seat I was in had seen 6 different butts over the course of 2-3 years, and I was there for over a year. You do the math. 

The new job is stressful... it is high strung office. I'm just so not used to something being that busy. My tempo is increasing though. My old, good work habits are coming back. In efforts to save up for the move, I am going to be working 55 hour weeks. Let's see how long that lasts.  

The job switch was very sudden like... one day you go in for training, the next day you are supposed to be in full time, but you're still scheduled for shifts at the old place. 

However, walking in and giving an immediate resignation was perhaps one of the most satisfying experiences I've ever had. He didn't actually understand all the work I did for him, nor did he appreciate it. In any other instance, I wouldn't feel this glib, rather, guilty. But the crap that has gone on in that office...   Moving up in the world! 

Moving. 

Yes. But I'm not thinking about packing up this apartment yet or I would die of anxiety. The changes in this city... they happen so fast. 

General.

Mister and I have been doing so well. Every day gets better. That being said this week has been rough for him, us and our moving budget. It's like every day he lost an expensive item. 

First, he was staying over and one of the geniuses in our neighborhood thought it would be clever to hurl a beer bottle at his car. It shattered the back window of his volvo. A $1000 repair, the insurance will pay most of it I suspect though. 

Second, he was being a knight in shining armor and picking my laptop up from home for me so I could fix a big error I made at work. Along the way, his RayBans (expensive sunglasses) get stolen right off his shirt in the crowded subway. 

Third, the winter boots that he hasn't needed for a year or so basically disintegrated off of his feet mid-use. And in NY... if you're leaving your house, you are leaving it for a while. So it's basically a day in cracking and peeling rubber. It's like not even having shoes on. 

But he's been a trooper and been able to pull himself out of the cruddy mood that anyone would sink into with continued bad luck. 

On the flipside though... 

• We got to go out to lunch together this week. My new work is closer than the old one. Only a bus ride away. 
• My ipsy beauty bag came in. 
• The puddles are sorta going away, so we may not need to buy replacement boots. 
• Roommate's move is officially in motion - which will make everyone feel more settled and less stressed. 
• I finally got laundry done (that's been waiting 2 weeks). 
• I received another opportunity to apply for a different job, just in case this one gets hairy. There's stuff going on that I know better than to put on the internet. 
• Mister and I still get quality time together, despite the setbacks. 

Loves, 

Nanette

A Lesson, A List and a Pep-talk

What you need to know is that my boss has the focus of, I dunno... refracted light. Finishing a project is near impossible when I can't get him to finish a complete thought. Sometimes he'll start assigning me a project and then get so lost in his own tangents that he'll walk away before he's described what he actually needs... then ask me where the project is or why it's not done at some random time usually 3 - 6 weeks later. Today I told him "...if you do that one more time, I WILL BURST INTO FLAMES!" 

The lesson I am currently learning... 

It is incredibly difficult to work for someone you don't respect. It is also very difficult to respect someone who has no respect for others. 

Yes, I know that I should "be the change I want to see in the world." Set the example even if you are the only one in the office following it.  I have fallen into lazy and bad work habits because I lack respect for the man who runs things. Time to whip myself back into shape and not accept anything less than absolute professionalism from those around me.  

You live in an amazing city.
This is an amazing time in your life.
It's just a job. Don't forget to live. 

Things that are awesome... 
               even on today's cruddy day.

• The vlogbrothers. 
• Big fluffy blankets. 
• A lovely boyfriend who can commiserate and is undeniably supportive. 
• Good roommates who are excellent listeners who don't roll their eyes at me. 
• Trent and that book he sent me. It keeps excellent company on the trains. 
• Cheese. What list is complete without it? 
• A hot bath.
• Repainting your nails even though you just did that yesterday. 
• Going to bed just a little early. 
• Weighing in 3lbs lighter than last week. 
• Being one day closer to payday. 

Every dollar is one dollar closer to moving, 

Nanette 

Because If You Don't Have Anything Nice To Say...

Sorry for the silence. I made promises about keeping my blog going (Cristalle, to you especially). Right now it would be a whole lot of complaining. My job is getting more and more lame by the day. I am getting more and more dissatisfied. An easier exit. Right? Well... the actual date of departure is not set yet so I have nothing to count down to... I'm just driving myself nuts.

2014 has begun and I haven't even made any progress towards sort of meditating on what parts of my person I'd like to nurture and focus on. I mean, it's like I've been writing the same thing since I was twelve.

read more books.
lose weight.
travel somewhere.
learn something new.

Boring goals, those are...  Aside from the boring goals... 

• Don't spend like a stupid 27 year old - instead save like a SMART 27 year old. $3500 by the time you move.
  
• Go a freaking month without thinking "I'm fat" or berating myself for numbers on a scale, measuring tape, graph or whatever else. Just stop obsessing about it for the first time in 19 years.
  
• Leave the house more...   aim for one fun social thing a week that isn't watching netflix with the mister.
  
• Refrain from acquiring more crap that you're going to have to haul across the country again... I am not getting rid of my makeup/nail polish and jewelry collections this time... methinks we are going to actually take a uhaul. I don't have to start over from 2 suitcases! hurrah!
  
• Use more crap... in your hair... on your face... on your nails... all over your body. Just use it all. No reason to save anything for a special occasion. Today is a special occasion. And then don't buy more crap to replace the old crap. (Is anyone besides myself seeing a cycle?) 

Now...   Some awesome stuff. 

I have set up my first appointment with a surgeon, nurse and dietician. The first step in making lapband a reality.

I am working with a personal trainer once a month or so to guide my workouts and hold me accountable for progress.

Trent sent me a couple of really awesome books for christmas so the subway rides this week and maybe next are going fly by.

Also... peanut butter.

Next... Living like a miser. 

I've given myself a spending budget of $50 a week... OUTSIDE of groceries. It seems like a lot. I mean... Idaho-Nanette is like "whoa! $50 a week? that's (52x$50...) $2600 per year! It barely seems like a limitation at all, right?

No. Nope. Nuh-uh. Leaving the house in my current state of "wanna spend" can cost $20+ per day.

This means... packing lunches in your purse while you run errands around the city. I don't hold anything against a smushed, purse temperature, tuna sandwich.

This also means... planning my grocery trips better... and my social life... and my ebay life.

I officially canceled all of my subscription services but one... the cheapest one. The ipsy one.

Lapband also means that I wouldn't even be able to eat most of the favorite and expensive foods I hold so dearly (see: cheese and chocolate). So... there's at least 4 weeks of broth-based savings (post-op liquid only diet).

Every dollar saved is one dollar away from my incredibly business dumb boss and his ladder climbing, head bobbing, "ass or gas, no one rides for free" sexism (and cheapness)...   and one dollar closer to relocation.

No matter where you go, there you are. Moving isn't the answer, but it sure is a good deadline.

Love love,
Nanette