Consistency...

I've had a lot of conversations and facebook stalking epiphanies this week about consistency. I believe I've wanted to move to NYC since I was in 6th grade... as a notion to become a broadway actress, film star, opera singer... and other narcissistic careers. I guess we all have those dreams. That larger than life striving.

I want to become an astronaut!

I want to become a writer!

I want to become a superhero!

I may not be singing, acting or actively creating for money. But I'm living my dream. I made it out here. I said I would and I have. Even if I change my mind later and decide that NYC isn't for me anymore... I can definitely say I'm not a quitter. Never have been. If anything I'm guilty of sticking through for too long. Bullheaded. I want things to be a certain way. They will be a certain way. I will give them a chance to turn out a certain way. When they don't. I have committed 5+ years to that certain thing and it hasn't happened yet... but not out of lack of fortitude. I'll tell you what.

So I'm learning new things about myself. 25 and still learning. I hope to say that when I'm 50, 60, 70 and beyond.

I may not be succeeding, but I'm learning about the need to go with the flow, to let go.

I'm learning that in a fast-paced city, patience is even more important than anywhere I've been before.

I'm learning that stress is a constant. It will be everywhere. There is no escaping, only changing your approach in coping and stress management.

It's been crazy starting my life over. In so many ways, I feel like it's a throw back to freshman year. Knowing it will take time to get on my feet. To land that job that allows me to go on vacations, pay off debts and have a fiscal peace of mind. It takes time to build a steady group of friends and construct history, disagreements and understanding. It is a beautiful thing. It feels odd to go through this sorta late in life though... a second freshman year at 25.

25. How weird...   many of my peers have children or spouses or even second or third spouses. Many of my peers are in their career paths or have master's degrees. I wonder if they go through some of these same feelings. Probably, as we all have much more in common than we talk about. Is that where they saw themselves. Are they living their dreams? It's none of my business... I know. But that doesn't keep me from being curious.

Life sure is interesting.

Right now it's settling. Landed in the apartment for the year. Slowly learning to walk my infantile self down the streets of NYC. A regular job. Supplemental income.

I organize and prep myself for that moment when things can come together and I move from walk to RUN.